“We don’t receive wisdom, we must discover it for ourselves after a journey that no one can take for us or spare us.”
Marcel Proust

Three things happened that helped me to see my alcoholism. The first was that my father (who was a periodic alcoholic) had long periods of being dry. Yet when he returned to drinking, he was always in worse shape.

One night, he had a really bad night from drinking and I stayed up to try to help him. I now know that he was having the DTs. The next day, I knew that I never wanted to go through what he had.

The second thing happened when Jonathan Winters was on Johnny Carson’s show. Jonathan had quit drinking. Johnny insisted that Jonathan could have a little wine on Thanksgiving. Jonathan said, “No. You don’t understand. I’d have a little wine and then a little scotch, and suddenly it’s Tuesday.”

The third experience was one fall day, my husband and I had taken our daughter to a park. The two of them were having a great time on the swings. I was miserable–it was too hot for me–I was tired–We had been there too long–I was thirsty. Suddenly, I looked at them and realized that they had something that I didn’t have. I didn’t know what it was–but I wanted it.

By Ben

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ACOA: Guess what normal is; Just Be Real; Understanding My Son

Addiction Recovery Help: Nicole Wick; The Spiritual River; Barefoot Bob’s Collection of Writings

Al Anon:Chic Mama; From New Ultecht to Figurea Avenue; I’m Just F.I.N.E–Recovery in Al-Anon; Through an Al-Anon Filter;

Artists in recovery: Attitude of Gratitude

Autism: A Room of Mamas Own, Stony River

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Bipolar recovery:Sophie in the Moonlight

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Child abuse: Child Abuse Survivor; Writing

Christian journey: Blessed…is she who believed; Covered in Dust; Glass House Ministries; Highway 41: Life in the Fast Lane

Christian living sober: reflections of a ragmuffin; sobernuggets; This Sober Life

Codependency: Sophie in the Moonlight

Committed fathers: The Rabbit Room

Cooking: Find Your Balance; Irish Gumbo; Mama Hollioni’s Kitchen

Creativity: 1 door away from heaven

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Depression: Beyond Blue; Rusin Roundup; This Sober Life

Domestic abuse: This Sober Life

Dual Addicted: Enchanted Oak

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Faith: A Churchless Faith

Food addiction recovery: Actively Arielle: A Voice With a Commitment; Sassle! My Journey to a Healthier Life!

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Healthy living: Find Your Balance

Living in the positive: AHA Moments; Beyond Blue

Living with disability: So about what I said…

LMTs in recovery: Jill Java and the Garden of Eden

Longer term sobriety: Being Sober; The Rapacious Creditor

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Mind mapping: I Q Matrix; Idea Mapping; Mind Mapping & Creative Thinking; Mind Map Inspiration; Mind Mapping Blog; The Mindmapping Software Blog

Mobile devices: JK On the Run

Mothers in sobriety: A Passion for Jaywalking; Complications of a Perfect Life; My Recovery; Queens World; Stay-at-home-mayhem

Mysticism: The Website of Unknowing

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Parents of addicts: An Addict in Our Son’s Bedroom; Mother of a Drug Addict

Poetry: Yesterday, Today and Forever

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On the recovery journey: Elegant Blessings; Finding My Wings in Life; He Not Busy Being Born is Busy Dying; In Spite of My Crazy Self; Three Routes

Recovery chef: Adventures of One Sober Woman

Recovering in California: Another Sober Alcoholic; Just a Closer Way With Thee; My Own Road; Prayer Girl

Recovering in Canada: A Song Not Scored for Breathing; Stay-at-home-mayhem

Recovering in Illinois: Wait. What?

Recovering in Texas: higher powered

Recovery support communities: The Junkies’ Wives Club; The Second Road; The Sober Village

Reparenting: Fight of Your Life; Guess what normal is; The Junkies’ Wives Club; Way Station One

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Sexual abuse: Come Into My Closet; Victory Over Sexual Abuse; Writing

Sexual addiction recovery: A Room of Mamas Own; Love in the Time of Addiction; Making My Peace; Woman. Anonymous7

Sober blogs directory: Sober Blogs

Students in recovery: Another Real Alcoholic

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12 step help: Recovery Archive; Step12.com; Step12.com

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Working in recovery: Stop. Drop. Recover.; The Spiritual River

Writers in sobriety: Letting Go; Stay-at-home-mayhem

Writing: Dooce; Letting Go; Stony River

Writing help: Pictures, Poetry and Prose; The One-Minute Writer; Click Here to Visit Top 100 Sober N Clean Blogs

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One of the techniques I used early in my recovery to get in touch with my wounded feelings was accepting my inner child. Transactional Analysis helped me to discover my parent, child and adult states. Eric Berne was the founder of TA and introduced the idea of the games we play to get what we want.

Games People Play is the title of his first book and was a best-seller in the 1960′s. After 40 years and 5,000,000 copies, Games is still relevant today. Eric Berne influenced other authors; Thomas Harris, who also wrote about TA with his book, I’m OK-You’re OK, and Muriel James’s book, Born to Win. Berne founded The International Transactional Analysis Association (ITAA) which is still active and has several of the main ideas at their site.

The main ideas from TA are ego states (parent, child and adult), strokes, transactions, life script, contracts and games people play. One of the newer ideas from the TA group is about the blame game (i.e. why do blame-simply choose steps needed to move forward).

Two of the main concepts for the TA philosophy are we are each worthy of being accepted and people can change. Of the three ego states-parent, child and adult-when I studied TA, I found that I could only identify 2 ego states. I had a very judgmental parent (these are thoughts and ideas I had adapted from my parents) and child (mine was the willful me-only child state. When I first used this information to check myself, I found that I had no adult (the ego state used to live in the here-and-now with responses dependent on new responses). No wonder that I lived in yesterday or tomorrow. I had no inner guide to deal with today.

I realized this morning that I wanted to slide back into the worry and woe is me state. But I also remembered that God is a God of love. A Course in Miracles taught me twenty years ago that I can not hold two thoughts at the same time in my brain. So I needed to change my thoughts.

This divorce that started in July, 2009, and is difficult because I have no money, no job, and no living family. But I do have 33 years of continuous sobriety (Nov. 24, 1976) and I did dedicate my life to the God of my understanding 33 years ago (January, 1977). So I have tried to make my spiritual journey an opportunity each day to serve my Lord.

My home group in AA has 41 members to date with over 300 years of sobriety. A few of the members have been in this group for over 25 years. Sometimes small groups will be overtaken by one strong group member who will impose his/her will on the group. But this group has no such leaders. Instead we each share and lead and laugh and console.

I have written recovery tips for all aspects of ourselves. This week/month I am focusing on the body–our physical health.

My eight basic recovery tips for my physical health are:

1. Have a plan for healing your body and work your plan.

2. Decide your heaviest eating time period. Be sure to have healthy foods on hand for those craving periods.

3. Don’t ever go on a diet. Diets are deprivation. Life is to be lived and enjoyed. Instead develop your own food program. Your food program should include the things you love to eat. Choose to eat from a small plate. Eat half as much as you used to eat. I use a 1/2 cup measure.

4. Remove food temptations from your home. If you are eating right, you will never be uncomfortable after eating.

5. Plan daily times for exercise. You may need to schedule several shorter periods rather than one long one. The new recommendation is for 60 minutes per day. I belong to a gym because it gives me motivation when I see all the other people there. I was not a natural lover of exercise. I have learned to like exercise now because I have an exercise plan and I follow it. But mainly I exercise because it makes me feel better.

6. Divide your exercise among aerobics(cardiovascular), strength, balance and flexibility. Rotate among these types of exercises throughout your exercise week. The main
reason that people don’t complete exercise programs is because they are bored–plan your exercise to be fun. Also learn to monitor your heart rate. Since I am 64, I checked with my doctor first before I joined the gym. I believe anyone at any age should see what their doctor recommends for them. Learn to measure your target heart-rate zone. This zone is the number of beats your heart
beats per minute. Learn to measure your heart rate recommended for your age.

7. Develop a list of 20-30 healthy things that you like to eat that are 100-200 calories each. Be sure to include several of these daily and always have them on hand.

8. Break away from people who aren’t supportive of your choice to be healthy. Criticism is not support. You need to be around people that love and support you. From time to time, you may have someone around you who is draining your energy. They “yes, but” you about everything. I say about these people that I can’t emotionally afford them. How can
I help anyone if I allow one person to drain me? Our energy is like a battery–drain the battery, no energy.

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